Q & A with Cara

Are these Christmas cards still sitting on my computer desk today? Yes.
Have I had them since December 3rd? Yes.
Are they all addressed and stamped? Yes.
Have I sent them? No. But I just might today....

I'm Clearing Away the Cobwebs For This

Consider this your Christmas present!

See How Good You've Got It??

Whenever we see someone's house that is some pig sty or see a news story about some nasty filthy house, I always say, "And you complain about our house..."

Or if he tells me about someone who has a lame, nagging wife, I say, "See how good you have it?"

Without fail, there will be some news story about a man chopping up his wife with an axe and he says, "See honey, I could be like that, see how good you have it?"

Brandon sent me an email with a link to a forum post about a nasty apartment and writes, "WOW.".

Here it is: (and it's a feast for the eyes. My personal favorite is the ironing board.)


"This has nothing to do with the Hurricane. We had a resident who had an outstanding balance for over a month and no one could get ahold of her. The Bookkeeper went inside after so many tries to leave a note and this is what we found:

The pictures do NO justice. There is suppose to be 2 cats living here but we cant find them (we think they're dead somewhere inside the apartment-we contacted the SPCA). The place REEKS to say the leaks, i gagged non stop."

The following is our email conversation afterwards:

Cara:
and you say our house is bad....ba duh dum!

Brandon:
(in cara voice) "at least it's not like that, you see how much worse it could be?"

Cara:
That's what I meant.

Brandon:
I know.

Brandon, You're So Vain....

You probably think this post is about you,
You're so vaaaain....
You probably think this post is about you,
Don't you, don't you...

Brandon sent me a link to this article today via Instant Messenger. I laughed. Please take a gander...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3279653/Attractive-fathers-do-not-pass-their-looks-on-to-sons.html

What do you think?


I think the teeth are the spitting image of Bran.

I sent him this one back:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/3283462/Blondes-make-good-girlfriends-but-brunettes-are-better-wives.html

Will Someone Please Drive a Stake Through My Heart?

I just finished the 4th book in the Twilight series. That is 2500+ pages of time I will never get back. Not to mention dreaming I had a vampire baby in me the other night. And when you're pregnant, it's not the nicest dream.

Did you know that there are people (cough* women *cough) that vacation to the real town in this FICTIONAL story? I'm dying over here. Like I said to a couple of my friends that are not fans either: "This is the most passionately I've hated anything in a LONG time". But I continued to read, because it is not my nature to give up on something so easily. I will watch a movie till the bitter end, because I have to give it a chance to redeem itself. Most of the time, that works for me. I'm just not one to shut a movie or close a book halfway through. I've invested the hour and a half, or in a book's case 5 or 6 hours, and I have to finish. I read the first book. I liked the idea of the couple, I HATED the girl. HATED HER. Never hated any character EVER as much as her. I thought, well, let's just see where this goes. Nothing happened in the 2nd book. There was another 5 or 6 hours wasted....3rd book? Stuff happens, but I just don't care. By then, there's no way I can stop. 4th book was totally different. Totally crazy. Sort of horror-filmish. Holy crap. But I did my time, and I finished them all. I'm embarrassed to say I did.

Arianne sent me a link to another woman's take on Twilight. It is hilarious. Unless you are a die hard fan, and then you will be mad....(Oh, and good luck finishing now Arianne...)

"Why I Think Twilight Sucks"

I full on expect this post to receive hate comments. I thoroughly don't care.

I Heart Ange

Do you all know Ange? I've been friends with her since I was 17. That's 11 years folks. Anyway, when I found out I was pregnant, the ultrasound tech said I needed to take it easy for a little while. No vacuuming, no sweeping specifically. Brandon was there, and he said, "That should be no problem." And it was true. Ha.

As soon as she heard this news, (she was with me when I took the 3 pregnancy tests at Nordstrom) she told me she was heading over to my house to clean and bring me dinner. I was embarrassed at the state of things, so I had to help declutter and such, and maybe I overdid it a bit, cause here I am sitting on the couch exhausted. And here is Ange, posing with my broom after an afternoon of "Holy Cow Cara is Messy".




I told her to get a room. Anyway, please go over to Ange's blog and give her a high five for being such a great friend to yours truly. I would really appreciate it!

I'm Starting Early

I was at Barnes & Noble the other day, browsing to my heart's content (I was childless). Okay, I was searching, searching, endlessly searching. I couldn't find the book I wanted, but I figured I could find it myself, so I wandered THE WHOLE store. In my travels, I came across these 2 helpful books. Please please please add these to your list of gifts for Cara for Christmas. You never know when they might come in handy.

You have started a gift list for me right?

Ear's to You, Kid

Cameron came home from school looking like this. HOLY CRAP. (And Brandon thought his ears were big before)

He got a mosquito bite on it last night, and I guess he's my son in the swelling department. It is literally sticking straight out to the side.

Swollen Ear
Non-swollen ear.
Notice in the upper picture how much you of his head you can see behind his ear.


And lucky for me, Eamon just walked in from the backyard to declare loudly, "Mom!! I have to go poo!!" Will it ever end?

When Surfing the Internet Pays Off

I have to celebrate my super find somewhere!!

Last night, I told Brandon that it would be fun to go to The Armstrong Mansion for our anniversary this year. We went there for our first. It was great. We stayed in the August Retreat room.

So this afternoon, I got an email promo from http://www.citydeals.com/ (which I am signed up for) and followed the link to their site. On the first page, I was scrolling down through the deals and found one for 50% off gift certificates to The Armstrong Mansion!!! Yippee! Guess who's spending the night there in November? I think we'll try a different room this time. Either February something or other, or June Bride. Soooo excited!

Confirming Jenny's Suspicions

It says I wrote crap 6 times and hell once. Sue me. A couple months ago Jenny M. said my blog was rated PG-13 because Brandon said "testicle" in the unicycle video.... I told her it was the correct terminology for that part of his anatomy. And he didn't say balls, so I think it's fine. ha ha ha

What's yours rated??

Bad News aka "Pearl Doesn't Hear A Who"

Pearl is DEAF. And here I was thinking she was just "slow". I had been suspecting something was up for awhile, so last night Bran looked it up and we're now sure that's what's going on. Poor poor little Pearl. You should see just how deeply she sleeps. Anyway, it is what it is. We're going to have to call a place that specializes in placing "special needs" dogs. Can anyone see us signing to our dog?? Me either. Poor poor little Pearl. At least now we understand her better.

Pearl "Retardation" Hansen

I haven't thought of a better middle name yet, that's what I originally came up with since she's been a little behind the others since week one. She's coming out of it, but will still topple over once in a while when she's running too fast. She's the puppy we're keeping.

I haven't told the whole story, but when she was a few days old, I found out that she wasn't able to "suckle" right. She couldn't keep the suction. I bottle fed her for a day, then found out that she was the runt. Emma had rejected her with some growls and bites. She was my project for a whole week. I slept on the couch with her on the floor in a basket with a heating pad in it. I woke up to feed her. BLAH. Part of the time, she would throw up what she ate (which I was basically forcing her to eat). She was constipated on top of that. After a couple days of this we were basically just waiting for her to die. She got all scrawny and tired. It was VERY sad.

(Milk Mustache)

For a size comparison

She climbed up the front of my shirt and nestled her little self standing up in my ponytail.
One night, as a last resort, Brandon fashioned for Pearl a puppy enema. He administered it to her, and then we gave her a tiny tiny bit of Pepto Bismal. Can I just tell you IT WORKED!!! Poo was released, food stayed in!! It was a puppy miracle. She was voracious after that. And a few days after that, we tried to see what Emma would do back in the box with her and the others. She latched on and Emma got over her hatred. NO MORE BOTTLE FEEDINGS!! YAY!!

Here she's giving you a little wink after a bath....

This is my idea of the perfect present...

Naptime on Daddy

She is a little feisty freak and we LOVE her.
Oooo, maybe Pearl "Runt"atia??

Wait!! I've got it.....

Pearl Bailey Hansen. Just a tribute to an old Muppet sketch I love. And the name of the song is perfect.



I'll have to run it by Brandon. In the meantime, do you have any suggestions?? Or any ideas on where I could pick up an outfit that is as slendiforous as the one she's wearing??

ETA: Be sure to see the follow-up post for this HERE.

Random Tidbits....(Warning: not funny)

Cam's first day of school was on Monday. He had a great day. The second day?? Not so much. "There was a lot of homework."


Brandon found a steal of a deal on a porch swing he had been eyeing all summer. He installed it yesterday, and it is NIIIIICE.
(Never you mind that Foosball table by the door.)

Yesterday was also Brandon's Grandma Charlene's 76th birthday. We went up to Ogden to go to Chili's with her and Grandpa. The phrase on this plaque only makes sense for her. She can never tell you a recipe..."I don't know, I just made it up," she'll say.


Here is the world's worst group photo of us after dinner. (Eamon needs smile lessons or something, he does this every time.)

And Brandon let the remaining puppies roam around the kitchen this morning. Here they are taking a much needed nap at my feet.

PART II: Horton Hears a Who the Crap Did This???

If you weren't around for the original Horton prank post, click here...

Before I even made that post, I received 2 anonymous comments about it. Here they are:

Anonymous said...
I'm just curious if you've ever seen Horton Hears A Who... I hear it is really funny.That is all. June 30, 2008 2:32 PM

Anonymous said... Ok I must vent... we waste a perfectly good movie prop in hopes of making your blog, and it doesn't make your blog. BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!Love, you know who.
July 9, 2008 11:54 PM

After I finally posted posted about it, I kept receiving anonymous harassment in the form of comments. Read through the comments to see them.
Are you done? Have you read them? Okay, I know you didn't, so here they are:
(And I've highlighted the culprit who threw me off with her comments of sympathy)

17 comments:

super lotto said... What a great moment of reading blogs.
July 10, 2008 12:05 PM

tim & brandi said... I was sitting here trying to figure out why your husbands car was on the lawn. I didn't think you guys were THAT ghetto. ;) Yeah, I'm retarded. ~b
July 10, 2008 2:15 PM

Omgirl said... Oh my gosh...the blog lives! Well, I know you had a moment of thinking it might have been us who did that, but I assure you, I have the worst poker face ever. I can never carry off pranks because I smile the second someone looks at me. But it was a good one! Where does Horton reside now?
July 10, 2008 7:50 PM

Kacy said... Okay that is hilarious! I saw that sitting on the side of your house one day and was like what the crap? Super funny!
July 10, 2008 11:27 PM

Chelle said... Lol, too funny!Happy POW!
July 11, 2008 1:05 PM

Carol said... Well that doesn't happen everyday!Hilarious.
July 12, 2008 9:41 AM

Cheeseboy said... I want one! I guess I need more enemies.
July 12, 2008 10:34 PM

The Tillotsons said... How are Emma's babies doing? That prank is hilarious!!
July 17, 2008 4:59 PM

Dr Seuss said...
Horton poster... FREE
Movie & Popcorn... $25
Framing D. Johnson for a prank... PRICELESS
Bwahahahahahah
July 21, 2008 10:38 PM

CaraDee said... WHO DID THIS????
July 22, 2008 10:51 AM

Dave & Amber said... Haha that is awesome! Seriously it wasn't Dave. I'd know cuz he can't keep a secret. Now I'm curious as to who really did this.
July 22, 2008 1:41 PM

emilymomto3boys said... DUDE! That is so funny! So where are you taking Horton now?? August 2, 2008 9:28 PM

Thing 1 & Thing 2 said...
Who left Horton? Who could it be?
Of course I know, because it was me!
Or should I say that it was us,
Why oh why now all the fuss?
Fear not though for another clue
Will soon be delivered to you.
It sure is puzzling though is it not,
Because the prankster is not who you thought.
August 5, 2008 2:28 PM

CaraDee said... I am gonna put a bounty on your heads.
Wanted Dead: Super Brats
Reward: $5.00
August 5, 2008 2:56 PM

Thing 1 and Thing 2 said...
A bounty offered of dollars FIVE?
Not enough, I guess we stay ALIVE.
Check your mail in a day or two
And you will have instructions on what to do.
This has been just so much fun!
Have a good day, love thing two and thing one.
August 6, 2008 11:41 AM

Kacy said... This is hilarious. I would be going nuts.
August 7, 2008 5:34 PM

D. Seuss said...
Tonight we went out on a walk
And on that walk we saw your block
We went here and there and everywhere
Horton has some pictures he'd love to share.
In other words... BLOG UPDATED. GO READ IT NOW!!!!!!!
Oh... and please enjoy our pictures.
August 8, 2008 11:13 PM


Wow huh?? Someone I know is a superfreak! So here's how it went down.....
After the comment about the mail, I received a large envelope. It was return addressed from the Johnsons, who had been framed originally for Horton.

Upon opening it, a puzzle and paper came out.

With a poem...

Almost done...

Finished!

And on the back, a clue...Let's go there shall we??


This was the first post....CLICK HERE. With the help of a couple of neighbors, we deduced the culprit. When I saw her that night at a ward pool party, she was acting weird, but wouldn't admit it. What could I do??? So I got home about 10pm, and saw that there was a new comment (the last one above). When I checked the blog they created, I found this CLICK HERE.

So those are pictures of them taken in front of houses all around us, including our house, the Johnsons, and various others in our ward. FREAKS. We almost thought it wasn't who we suspected, since we had seen them swimming while we were. Anyway, with a little bit of comparing pictures from her blog and some detective work from Amber, who found this picture on her husband's myspace page, which had this picture on it,



we knew the nerds had to be..... THE DANG PLOTTS!!!!

Now please take a moment to congratulate them on having too much time on their hands. Way to go...